giving up the ghost

After past experiences with online dating (one of which resulted in a short lived disaster of a relationship), 12 months ago I decided to give it up. Love would have to come to me, to seek me out and fall romantically and theatrically into my arms. That was the plan.

scarf

12 months on, I re-download Tinder and Bumble.

A few idle swipes and attempts at riveting virtual conversation later and I find my self heading out on a date. A date with a man. I am nervous and out of practice, but how out of practice can you actually be at attempting to ‘be yourself’ for a couple of hours. He lives outside of London and so we decide to meet outside of Waterloo station and walk in the drizzle to Southbank for drinks.

Initial impressions are great and conversation is interesting, funny and flows well. Hoorah! We both seemingly enjoy ourselves and a second date is suggested. Pretty happy with that. Well done me. How on earth did I ever find dating difficult when it can be this easy.

In the coming days, we continue to chat in the evenings and reminisce about what a “great, really great” (his words) evening we had had. Conversations then lessen and contact becomes more infrequent, not for my lack of trying, but still. I believe I have been “ghosted”, a word that continues to appear and become more frequent in the world of dating, an irony that is not lost on me.

Now, I appreciate that this is now absolutely normal and most people wouldn’t bat an eyelid, they’d take the strong hint and move on. However, I think there’s something to be said for “common” decency and the ability to relate to and speak with another person. If you react at all to being dismissed in this way, you are deemed to be overreacting and I just do not think that that is fair. I enjoyed our date and I was looking forward to seeing this man again. I would have appreciated a sign off to this fleeting interaction. Instead, it leaves you to wonder – was it that awful joke you made? – was it the reality of dating someone outside of your respective travel zone? – was it your disdain for Placebo?

We no longer owe anyone anything. There is no “done thing”. We answer to no one. We move on.

Also, this almost always means you have to go on another date….

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19 thoughts on “giving up the ghost

  1. You had a lucky escape, I hate weak men that don’t have the guts to end things. I once went on a date with someone , we had a great date and talked about meeting again, then he texted me later saying I was bigger than his usual type. I replied no problem your shallower than the other men I have been out with. Online dating hurts but there are some good ones in and amongst 😏

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds like you had a bit of bad luck there. Sometimes, with online dating, the person you are chatting with you until something “better” comes along. It happened to me quite a bit. Now I don’t really like online dating! Where has the old romance gone?

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    1. Yep, unfortunately it just seems to be how it is now. It used to be that if you liked someone a little, you’d hang out with them more and see what came of it but it seems like now you never know if you might be able to better your choice with the next swipe. Weird.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on The Entertainment Patrol (and general musings) and commented:
    The following article is interesting, not only because it is well written and for that matter, well written by a pretty girl but it just underlines what it is that I hate about online dating. Before I tried, I was a hopeful sceptic but after many a night, I lost the hope. The thing is that you can never be completely sure of someone’s motivations. And it is very difficult to tell if someone is being genuine over phone call or text. You can meet someone and things seem great and the next moment they disappear. I had some ridiculous situations. So obviously when I hear stories I feel unsurprised. I even told my friend as much the other day who was excitedly telling me about this Italian man she met on one. He can’t meet her yet. He is currently in Italy and he calls himself an entrepreneur who is starting his own business. In what? Your guess is as good as mine. He also told her he wants to take her dancing as a first date. Is it me or is that too good to be true? Too suave? And that’s it. You never know with people these days and with the net.

    Give me an old fashioned Hollywood romance any day!

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  4. Hi Anna I’m in the same club as you! I’m doing online dating and it’s a crazy world out there! I’ve had disappointing dates like this where things go great then they disappear without a warning. I hope 2017 goes well for both of us. And paid sites are no better than Tinder I’m finding out. It would be great to meet someone in person offline! 😍 Hang in there sister! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Anna, you’re not overreacting. Common decency is not too much to expect. This is the kind of behavior I have dubbed a crime against the heart. It’s true that we have to develop something of a thick skin when we’re connecting (and disconnecting, as it turns out) online, but that doesn’t mean it’s ever okay to treat others shabbily. Onward, sister!

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  6. First off, kudos for getting back out there – it ain’t easy! I was SHOCKED by the ghosting phenomenon when I entered the dating world (after a 10+ year marriage). Three years later, and I’m ashamed to admit I’ve used it fairly often myself. Only after a first meet-up, though (and I never string along with texts and false promises!), and if they ask for clarification, I say something like, “I don’t think we’re a match, but I wish you the best of luck!” Fortunately, that’s all I’ve needed to say, but I know plenty of woman who’ve been attacked via text if they ghost or explain why they’re not interested.

    I wish I could offer more encouragement, but I feel your pain! There are still good ones out there, though – and you deserve that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, I think eve sending that message gets you out of ghosting territory and it’s really not that difficult so I’m confused as to why more people don’t opt for it. It’s great, you walk away with a clear conscience and they have a conclusion!

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